Saving on a Tight Budget

~I decided to write a few words on budgeting this morning because I'm currently trying to aid my mother with a budget (Since my father passed away, she's had major changes), as well as my adult kids are living life. Life happens to all of us and there is help available , you will find it under the words: budget and self responsibility. 
Saving on a Shoe String Budget

$ Money, Money, Money. The mighty dollar and how to save. $ 
Cash, Money, Money.

Make a commitment to yourself. If you're in a relationship, get your significant other, and family member's agreement to support the new budget plan. "We can do this!" and "Let us do this together!" Can go a long way in a household of folks wanting to make change happen in their home. A fun family idea that I used involved putting up a central jar for all family member's to contribute their change to (negative words cost $.25 each word. Once enough was saved, it was a fun pizza night!) 

Don't start the new year short on cash; saving money is possible. It's imperative that you save when your discretionary dollars are limited, because when your budget is tight, one random expense can derail your life, making a huge impact because it's harder to come up with the money! Finding a way to start saving money so that unexpected expenses aren't so devastating may not be easy. But shifting your thought patterns can yield long-term results. Being a "saver," may come natural to some; however, it is not natural to most people. 

Having a mindset of a "spender" is the current American way. It is too easy to put that "on sale" item on a credit card with a 20% interest rate because you're saving money, while the reality is after you pay off the bill, the item cost more than regular price. Any and everyone can become a Saver, it can be developed through practice. 

Eight Ways to save money when money is tight.

1. Shop smarter (Collect coupons, read the store's newspaper, compare prices, make detailed lists, and rid yourself of impulse buying!) [Grocery Coupon Apps: http://www.squawkfox.com/2014/01/15/grocery-apps/] Great grocery saving ideas: http://www.mymoneycoach.ca/blog/budget-grocery-shopping-tips-to-save-money.html
2. Keep the change (Make additional games to save money with this old fashioned idea: every time you think of having an expensive latte coffee, put that $3.95- $5.00 [http://hackthemenu.com/starbucks/menu-prices/coffee-espresso/] into your jar, or whenever you visit an ATM, find your bank using GPS on your phone and save that $2.00 fee into your jar!  Add your loose change to your emergency fund every month). 
3 Pay yourself first (Decide on a percentage and make it a priority over that new purse you have your eye on. By saving each month first, then paying fixed expenses and lastly, budgeting the rest for variable spending, you will not be as overwhelmed, because you "have a plan.") 
4. ***Stop using credit cards (If may be old fashioned to pay with a checkbook, but it's harder to part with cash, while you're keeping track in the checkbook ledger, than to slap a plastic card down with the pay later mentality). Another, more modern day version of this practice is to keep a running log in your phone/ I-Pad for every single cent spent, or in a notebook. Tally each dollar spent from the budgeted amount. You can't overspend if you are subtracting and you will be aware of where your money is actually going. Hum, $5.00 for a drink? Forget it! I'll sip my flavored water out of the thermos I brought with me; thank you! 
5. Make it automatic (Arrange an agreement with your bank to move $10 a month into your emergency fund, while moving $20 into your long-term future home fund). 
6. Save with purpose ( Label your saved fund with a name: emergency, new apartment deposit, car repair fund, or even a date night fund).  

7. Create a budget (I use a spreadsheet program on my computer. Create "cells," or squares that re-calculate as your expenses or income changes). Your main expenses will be fixed amounts (and choose wisely your fixed expenses, make your rent affordable at your income level), food, clothing, entertainment is not fixed. Come up with a number, like $100 for groceries and entertainment for the month. Take that cash out of the bank and stick to the plan, not taping into other funds because you want to "have a drink out." Each month try to lower that amount by $10; you will find money that you never knew you had. Once you've grown accustomed to living on your budget, you'll open up more money for saving toward various goals.  
8. Stay committed. 

***More on Credit Cards, because they are the worst vandals: 
If you don't have the cash, you don't need it! 

If you don't have any money to save at the end of the month, you shouldn't be putting more onto credit cards. The top priority goal needs to be to pay them down and get rid of them so that you can start to work from a cash basis as opposed to a debt basis. Rather than using credit cards to fund living expenses that are beyond your means, or are outside of your income, cut out nonessentials and focus on eliminating your use of credit cards. If your extra cash each month is spent on making credit card payments, you'll never be able to save and get closer to your financial goals.
 (Funny and great article from a former shopaholic: 
http://forevertwentysomethings.com/2011/08/18/finance-tips-from-a-shopaholic-10-steps-to-save-on-a-recent-grads-budget/). 

And, then the biggy: Where it all starts, You must have a full-time job. That is just starters! If there is debt, it is wise to continue paying yourself first; taking on more hours or even a second job to pay down the debt.

Additional Great articles: 
Ideas and organizations to help if you are attempting to save on a shoe-string:
http://www.americasaves.org/for-savers/make-a-plan-how-to-save-money/saving-on-a-tight-budget
I found this article funny and if you read further into peoples comments, you will find great ideas (thinking outside of the box for great savings!):
 http://www.bankrate.com/finance/smart-spending/the-craziest-thing-i-did-to-save-money-2.aspx
Ideas of things to do, instead of spending money: 
http://www.figuringmoneyout.com/50-things-to-do-instead-of-spending-money/

March still reminds me of those tragic events years ago, leading up to my husband's death. So, like most other widows, I quietly seek anything that will help how I feel inside. While looking for comfort on his death anniversary, I came across this beautiful poem by Linda Ellis. It helped me to think of his short life in a different way, so I thought I'd share with those who grieve and read this blog. 

I hope you can find joy again while you are living in your Dash. 

A Quick Guide to Help jumpstart a happier, healthier, thinner you!

Here is a monthly plan to a happier, healthier, thinner you! Start living a better quality of life today. Model after choices that are known to increase happiness and it will make you happier too! This is a brief guide to help jump-start you into your new routine. Jump in on any day, pick up where ever you are when you read this `Just be sure to cover all your bases. A monthly plan to a happier, healthier and thinner you! You can start living a better life today. 

Sunday, August 21:

Fill your shopping cart using a healthy grocery list: Sunscreen, face moisturizer, a multi-vitamin, vitamin D and calcium, healthy snack foods like: low-fat cottage cheese or low-sugared yogurts (I like vanilla flavored Activia, and Dan Active), fruit like mango’s and watermelon (cut up and place in refrigerator in Tupperware once home), baby carrots or broccoli to dip into cottage cheese, cherry tomatoes, any berries like blueberries are an antioxidant, almonds & sunflower seeds. For meal items grab wholegrain products like Quinoa, wheat berries, and brown rice, get into Omega 3 by selecting fish like salmon, sea bass, orange roughy, grouper and mahi mahi (if you dislike fish, pick up an omega 3 supplement). Choose green leafy vegetables like spinach, or grab some asparagus to give yourself needed vitamins, minerals and fiber.

Monday, August 22:

Spread your calories throughout the day. Cravings aren’t always born out of hunger but if your stomach is slightly growling, it can make for a convenient excuse to indulge. If you graze lightly throughout the day on your prepared snacks, instead of heaping on the massive portions during mealtime, you’re less likely to rationalize that mid-day bag of chips.

Tuesday, August 23:

According to a recent study, Tuesday is the most stressful day of the week because most of the work is still ahead of you. For anybody who works, in or outside the home, the weight of the week's workload and to-do lists can be a heavy thought. The key to stress management is not eliminating stress, but rather, finding better ways to cope with the stress everyday life brings. Take a walk around the outside of your office, or in the morning before work. Try giving yourself a foot massage! This is one you can do while at work at your desk!

Instructions:

Take your shoes off. Take the heel of one foot and press it against the sole of the other foot. Rub the heel into the sole. This motion generates heat at a pressure point responsible for energy and vitality. Repeat with the other foot.

Wednesday, August 24:

This is where fake it until you make it comes in. Being grateful, expressing gratitude is good for our overall well-being, but until it becomes a habit, we may find that complaining is more our Go-To style. We need to work on seeing the glass half full, our brain wants to align with our actions, this will provide us support on the way to happiness. Notice little positives and say thank you to the individual responsible. Thank you, husband. Thank you, God. Thank you universe. Not only will you feel better, but other's will be watching from your example (especially our kids). If we wait until we "feel moved," we may never begin. Choosing to act grateful for what we have is a move toward happiness that everyone can do! 

Thursday, August 25:

Take Your Vitamin D
Pop vitamin D daily and you may be adding years to your life. A 2007 study of over 57,000 adults -- mostly middle-aged and elderly people in good health -- in Europe, the U.S. and the U.K. showed that those taking vitamin D (as opposed to a placebo) were 7 percent less likely to die during the span of the study. The authors don't know exactly why vitamin D seemed to increase life span, but the vitamin is known to offer many benefits, including strengthening the immune system and building bones. Without vitamin D, calcium cannot be utilized in the body. So, to prevent osteoporosis, taking a calcium supplement without vitamin D voids the calcium benefits.

It also lowers the risk of being diagnosed with diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure and heart and kidney disease. You can get vitamin D from the sun, but most people don't spend enough time outdoors -- or in sunny enough climates -- to take in an adequate amount. FDA guidelines issued in November 2010 boosted the recommended daily dose to 400 International Units per day for people over nine (people 71 years and older should take 800 mg daily), combined with a diet rich in the vitamin. Foods with loads of vitamin D include mackerel, fortified yogurt and orange juice, whole eggs and Swiss cheese. 

Friday, August 26:

Have sex!

Have sex! A Queens University study found that men who had sex 3 times a week reduce their risk of having a heart attack by half. The same likely holds true for women, though quality may be more important than quantity. The average American only has sex once a week. The goal here is to engage in two intimate encounters a week. Safe, monogamous sex helps to reduce pain and stress, and improves immunity. Sex is a natural way to feel healthier - and burn off some calories.Talk about a two-for-one deal: Having sex not only offers pleasure, but it may also extend your lifespan by eight years. You probably don't need a scientist to tell you that regular sex relieves stress, improves sleep and increases intimacy with your partner. But it also boosts immunity and makes you look better (a Scottish study showed couples with a healthy sex life may look up to seven years younger than those with a ho-hum bedroom ritual). The sum total of all those benefits may just be a longer life. British researchers found that men who had sex once a week were less likely to die in the next 10 years than men who had sex less than once a month. Meanwhile, a Duke University study showed that compared to women who were indifferent with their sex lives, women who were happy with their sex lives lived seven to eight years longer.

Saturday, August  27:

Hang Out with Friends

Spending time with friends cuts your risk of an early death in half, according to a recent study out from Brigham Young University. "A lack of social relationships was equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day," the research team's head, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, told Reuters. The study, which pulled information from over 300,000 participants in 148 studies, found that strong social relationships have an extremely positive effect on health. The authors found that having close social relationships may be more beneficial to longevity than pneumonia vaccines and hypertension drugs. "Throughout human history, we have relied on others for survival such as protection and food, and despite modern advancements that may help with certain aspects of survival so that we can live more independently, it appears that our relationships nonetheless still impact odds of survival," said Holt-Lunstad.

Go ahead and indulge, lightly. We never fully outgrow our inner child, and parents know the cardinal rule with kids is when you say they can’t have something, they want it more. Same goes for your own cravings. The more you deny yourself sweets, the more you’ll want them. Sweets shouldn’t be completely taboo, but they should be considered the occasional reward, enjoyed in bites not boxes.

Keep it brief. So you’ve caved into that piece of cake. All is not lost. Try to limit your indulgence to a few bites, savoring the flavor and texture but avoiding the complete annihilation of the object of desire. The satisfaction of tasting your treat will be intense at first but researchers have found that pleasure decreases dramatically after the first few bites. So savor the first few bites slowly and then stop yourself before your start destroying the evidence through your stomach. 
 
Sunday, August 28:

Keep the Faith

Keep the Faith. Believing in a greater power can help you live longer, according to thousands of studies. Most recently, a small 2010 study of liver transplant patients found that patients who had faith were three times more likely to survive four years after transplantation than those without religion. Regardless of creed or churchgoing habits, high religious coping correlated with higher survival rates. A 2006 study also found that regularly attending religious services could add up to three years to life. Though experts aren't sure why, they hypothesize that having a supportive community, a guiding belief and coping mechanisms decrease stress and add purpose to life.

Monday, August 29:

Get More Sleep

This goal is the most important anti-aging secret. The benefits of a good night's rest cannot be understated. People who sleep less than 6 hours a night have an increased risk of heart attack and stroke. Sleeping for as little as 6 hours can also make you crave more sugar. 

The key point is to get closer to the ideal amount of sleep: 7.5 to 8 hours a night. It's important to sleep this much, because it's the end of the sleep cycle that certain regenerative hormones are released; this phase is crucial to brain function.

Tuesday, August 30:

Be Happy

Cutting out stress and doing things that make you smile may just add years to your life. In a 2006 study, Dr. Ruut Veenhoven, a Dutch researcher, found that in healthy people, happiness predicts longevity. In fact, he found, a person's outlook can have as much of an impact on lifespan as whether or not they smoke.

And long-running study of 180 Catholic nuns showed that those who were happy at 22 were likely to live about 10 years longer than those who had a more negative orientation to the world. So how to start feeling dandy?

According to Dan Buettner, who compiled information from 146 countries for his book Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who've Lived the Longest, there are several things that, universally, make human beings happy and healthy: a stable community, a satisfying job, close friends, financial security and a happy home. Buettner also found that people who know and understand their purpose in life -- and who can therefore follow it -- are 20 percent happier than those who do not.

This advice goes to the heart of a key finding of happiness research: It's important to learn to be content with how our decisions turn out. My children's preschool teacher, Joyce Drolette of Bozeman, MT, sent the girls home repeating what turns out to be a powerful mantra for happiness: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Barry Schwartz’s, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College, in Pennsylvania, and author of the book The Paradox of Choice, "But if happiness is your goal, that's exactly where you need to aim "research shows that for many people, having multiple options and aspiring for the very best among them causes far more pain than gain.


Schwartz calls these people "maximizers," and we all know them: They are the ones who can't enjoy the balcony at their beach hotel because they see a better balcony around the corner. In fact, maximizers may never even get down to the shore at all. They are so consumed with making the "right" and best choices that they end up paralyzed, unable to decide if they should ask for the pool view or the beach view. For every one of them, though, there is what Schwartz calls a "satisficer": someone totally at peace with her balcony, who goes out there, sits back, and enjoys the view. She knows she chose this hotel at this rate and will relish the fact that she has a few days to escape. In a practical sense, says Schwartz, this means making a deliberate practice of being personally and publicly satisfied with your own decisions and not second-guessing yourself or comparing yourself to others. This may not be your nature, and you might not always succeed, but trying is half the battle.

If you find yourself roiling inside, take a walk, read a book, anything that will refocus your mind. Limiting your family's selection is another proven tactic for making dissatisfaction and regret less likely, says Schwartz. It can help contain that always ultimately fruitless search for the optimal experience.

Wednesday, August 31:

Welcome Aging and lose yourself in the moment
in a society that bows down to youth and beauty aging can seem like as terrifying as it is inevitable. But research suggests that a long-held positive attitude toward old age can help you experience up to 7.5 years more of it. In Ohio, 660 people age 50 or older were studied. The results? Those with positive self-perceptions of aging lived nearly eight years longer than those with negative self-perceptions. While nobody is sure exactly why, researchers believe that attitude is linked to the will to live -- and that a negative approach to old age, in which a person believes the elderly are weak and unhappy, can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It has also been shown that unhappy people, those who rage against old age generally have a more difficult time recovering from heart attacks and strokes.

You might also regularly take time to remind your kids about the good things that happened in the past, and what might happen in the future. "Before the family goes to bed each night, we talk about what we're going to dream about," says Shannon Rebolledo, a Wichita, KS, mother of three children under 5. "Usually, it ends up being dreams about things the kids really loved during the day."

Savoring the past is particularly helpful at creating happiness, says Bryant, because it lets you milk a single event. Research has shown that during these reminiscences, the brain actually re-experiences its original sensation of pleasure. Susie Rolander, a mother of three girls under age 8 in New York City, joins her family in saying thankful prayers each night. In her own, she always includes her late mom. "The girls didn't know her, but just thinking about her this way increases my happiness because it brings her into our everyday."

"There are plenty of adults who won't look back on things that are gone forever because they fear it will make them sad," says Bryant. "But we can teach our children that we can relive moments that were precious to us and, in doing so, enjoy them again."

Have you made new habits yet? Continue into your Thursday with your new mind-set and continue for an entire month!

The story and process behind the art work: "Humble Angel."

To those who have lost anyone to death, let me preface this publication which shows the stages of my representation of the celestrial with, "I hope that this angelic image comforts you as it did me."

I allow myself to be inspired by dreams that I have. This composition is my attempt to capture a dream that I had about Mike, my husband who died in 2007.

I began in acrylic (because it dries faster), painting a black backdrop; wanting to create an intangible background, the white drip technique was added. It is a portrayal representing the afterlife. A scene of magnificence that the viewer may fill in: Waterfall? ...maybe; lights or white brilliance? ...maybe. It is not concrete, but more abstract in nature.

 Stage Two is just getting my rough draft down on the canvas. I over emphasized the glasses angle to get the dimensions of the side view of the face in perspective first before getting the glasses set.

 With oil paints I begin putting in a base coat, or the low lights for hair. Continuing with oil paints, I begin adding brilliant color.

  This stage shows the work of creating a heavenly or spiritual body by adding loads of paint layers. This painting took about 3 months to paint because of the drying time between layers, as well as it was a very emotional one for me.

 More layers to create the body, and highlights added.

A splatter technique was used to finish the body.

I love this stage because it is the one that captures my attempt to show the nature of the painting: Humility. He is shrugging his shoulders as if to say, "This is me." The wings are folded down to show the opposite of conceit. A creature, so amazing in stature, folding his wings and shrugging his shoulders to send a message of comfort, "I am okay." 'Showing off' or boasting is not in his nature; a confident humility is.

Personification was needed. I wanted to make the face more human-lifelike, because in the dream, I had no doubt who I was looking at. The face was recognizable. Once I had a portrait of the face complete, I needed to make it more heavenly. You can also see that I have begun to highlight the hair too.

 In the last stage, I had to combine the human "flesh colors" to blend well with the pastel colors of the heavenly body. I added pinks and whiter shades to both the face and the body to make the human face blend with the newly given spiritual body.

The end result is: Humble Angel.

Five Ways to Torpedo Your Retirement

I thought so many people need to hear what this financial planner has to say. A certified FP states ways that you can destroy your chances of "not having to work through your retirement years". If you are not planning ahead, imagine yourself aged and possibly ill, having to still go to work to live. ;-)

I have to admit making a few of these mistakes, number two hit hard with me. I am learning that I should have held tighter on to my wallet while my kids were in college. Besides tuition, living expenses can be way under-estimated, because our kids are not as financially frugal with our money as we would be. This is partly because they have not learned how to handle money yet, and partly because they did not earn it. ;-)

Provided by Neal Frankle, 2011:

"Couples who work hard all their lives often eagerly look forward to retirement. But working for 30 or more years doesn't guarantee that you will be able to retire comfortably. Here are five common retirement planning errors that generally torpedo your ability to retire.

 1. Too much debt. Having debt is not the kiss of death for your retirement. But high interest debt such as credit card debt could be, especially if you can't figure out how to get out of debt and begin saving for the future. It's extremely difficult to invest for retirement when you are still paying off past purchases.

2. Spend your retirement savings on college. Some couples make it a financial priority to pay for their children's college so that they will not begin their careers with debt. However, when you tap your home equity, stop saving for retirement, or even raid your retirement accounts to pay for your children's college, you may be sacrificing your own retirement security. On top of that, you will be missing a golden opportunity to teach your kids about money. There are a variety of ways to finance college, but you can't take out loans for retirement.

3. No emergency plan. Most of us are completely dependent on the money we receive from a single job. Losing that job can easily exhaust your savings and jeopardize your entire financial plan. It's important to develop an emergency fund and plan before you hit those stormy waters. Consider taking on a second job or developing a side business to diversify your income streams in case a layoff should occur.

4. No long-term investment strategy. Some people change their investment allocation based on the latest financial news. This can be a huge mistake. If you pulled money out of equities when the market tumbled in 2008, you also didn't take advantage of the market recovery that has since occurred. Retirement savers need to accept that there will be fluctuations in mutual fund performance and invest for the long term. The only way to combat this type of emotional investing is to have a well thought out investment plan for retirement income that balances financial needs with emotional demands. Then you need to stick with that investment plan throughout financial storms.

[Changes That Will Improve Your Odds of Retiring]

5. No retirement plan. The most dangerous mistake individuals can make is having no retirement plan. Financial plans are not set in stone and you won't be able to foresee every contingency. But having an approximate roadmap you can follow is better than having no plan.

You can be smart, responsible, and hard-working and still end up without enough resources for a secure retirement. In order to make sure this doesn't happen to you, take the time to put together a plan, track your spending, and don't get into debt if you can help it. Think through your investment strategy and stick to it even when you feel tempted to change it."

Neal Frankle is a certified financial planner and runs Wealth Pilgrim, a personal finance blog that helps people make smart decisions about their money. As a start, he suggests that you strive to understand your credit score range.

Condition Your Emotions; How to Train Yourself in Six Steps:

If you are depressed, have to encounter negative people, or simply do not believe in yourself, give this writing a try.   The only reason that I am posting these six steps is because I think this type of information has the potential to change the lives of those who try to impliment it's reading. ;-)

Step One:

First of all, recognize that there are people and corporations with a strong vested interest in conditioning you to maintain the (false) belief that you need some kind of external validation to feel a certain way. Marketers spend billions of dollars each year to convince you that you need to drink their soda, eat their food, wear their clothing, drive their cars, and shop at their stores to feel happy, cool, fashionable, popular, confident, successful, etc. Who benefits most when you adopt the belief that you need to dress a certain way to feel fashionable or drive a certain car to feel cool?

Step Two:

The second step of life optimization is what is your vision of the purpose of your life? Vision shows us the right direction to go and it gives us a standard to measure our progress by. Just like in business, in order to measure our progress, we must have goals established. With mini goals, or finish lines along the way, we can see how much progress we make toward our life-changing goals. I say in order to be all you can be, you must first take an honest look at what you are allowing to be in your head. What images or negative words do you hear playing? It sounds simple enough, simply begin with believing in yourself and place one foot in front of the other toward the “YOU” you want to be or have envisioned. Throw out any old tapes that play in your head that only bring you down; these self-defeating habits may have come from your childhood. You’re an adult now, take the reins and responsibility for your life; make it a life you want it to be. When you understand that you have the innate ability to consciously direct your thoughts to create any feeling you want, whenever you want, you’re not going to make the people trying to sell you "a bag of goods" rich. But you will be much more free, since you’ll gain the power of conscious control over your own emotional states.

This is a skill that takes practice, but it is a learnable one. For example, in a matter of minutes I can get myself to feel any emotion I want, and for those I’ve already anchored, I can put myself into that state in less than 5 seconds. This is nothing unique — experienced actors can do it too. If an actor can laugh uproariously or cry rivers of tears or shout with intense anger over something completely fake, then you can certainly learn to be 100% confident on que as well (and really experience the genuine emotion).

Step Three:

My favorite emotion is the state of feeling “unstoppable,” which is one I anchored at while doing a Tony Robbins mixed audio set. Anchoring means conditioning a specific emotional state to be linked to a simple trigger, just as Pavlov conditioned his dog to link getting fed with the sound of bell. So if I make a certain movement, I automatically surge into this emotional state within a few seconds. In my old Tae Kwon Do studio, I noticed another student firing off an anchor several times during sparring matches. The tennis player Andre Agassi and the basketball player Byron Scott both used emotional anchoring in their athletic careers, and I’ve read that emotional conditioning has been used by German Olympic teams with outstanding results (the U.S. Olympic teams are generally much further behind in this area). Anchoring is well covered in Tony Robbins Unlimited Power book. Something really cool I now merely imagine myself making the particular motion, it still works. So when I was being introduced as the speaker, I mentally imagined myself firing off my trigger for confidence, and by the time I reached the lectern I was feeling 100% confident. Yes, 100% — no nervousness or self-doubt whatsoever.

Advertisers use anchoring on you all the time. This is why Pepsi will pay someone like Michael Jackson $20 million to be in a 30-second commercial (OK, so that was years ago). They want to condition you to link the emotions you get from hearing a particular song to their product. This emotional conditioning works a lot better than trying to logically argue why you should consume sugar water and chemicals. And it absolutely works … to the tune of billions.

Step Four:

If you had a physiology class, you most likely learned of self-actualization in college. Dr. Wayne Dyer said that when he was learning about self-actualization in college, a professor posed this question: If a totally self-actualizing person unknowingly showed up to a formal event wearing overly casual attire, how would s/he react? The answer: S/he wouldn’t even notice. That’s the state of total emotional mastery, where no external event can knock you into a negative emotional state. A mind like water.
The problem isn’t that external events have control over your emotions. The problem is believing that they do. Abandoning this belief and realizing that you have the innate ability to control how you feel at any given moment, regardless of your circumstances, is the first step to emotional mastery. Events are neutral. What causes you to feel a certain way is how you interpret an event, how you think about it. The same event (even one so serious as the death of someone close to you) will be interpreted differently by different people. You were taught to represent certain events to yourself as tragic, while other people on this planet were taught to celebrate those same events.  For example, some cultures are sad as they walk behind the hurst to the funeral, but they celebrate the life and heavenly home of their loved one as they exit the funeral. They play music, dance and sing with joy for the deceased. The event itself has no meaning but the meaning you assign or label to it, and that act of assigning meaning (whether done consciously or unconsciously) is what causes you to feel a certain way.

Step Five:

Once you understand this, you can begin to take conscious control over these assignments. When stricken with a terminal illness, some people interpret it as terrible and go into a deep depression. Others interpret it as a challenge and find a way to overcome the illness. And still others see it as a wake up call to reevaluate their priorities and make the best possible use of the time they have left, developing deeper bonds with the people around them and living much more fully. To some people it’s an ending, while to others it’s a new beginning. But this doesn’t have to be a subconscious reaction — it can be a conscious choice. Whenever something happens that you would normally say “makes you depressed,” you can choose to find and assign an alternate interpretation that makes you feel empowered instead of disempowered. Instead of failure you can see a learning experience. Instead of a loss, you can focus on deepening your feelings of gratitude for what you do have. Instead of rejection you can see a temporary mismatch and a renewed opportunity to find the perfect fit. Just because TV teaches you to feel a certain way in response to a certain event doesn’t mean you have to blindly accept that interpretation, especially since the TV business benefits when you feel down and thereby tune in to try to change your emotional state.
Between stimilus and response lies the opportunity for conscious choice. You can be fired from your job and turn it into a victory instead of a defeat (Lee Iacoca did). You can go bankrupt and move on to even greater wealth (Donald Trump did). You can be injured to the point of disfiguration and turn it into an advantage to inspire others (W. Mitchell did). You can be dumped by your girlfriend, feel suicidal, and yet still bounce back (Billy Joel did). And on the other hand, you can enjoy outstanding external success and yet abuse yourself to the point of death (John Belushi did).

For any seemingly “negative” event, you can find someone who turned it into an empowering experience. And for any “positive” event, you can find someone who interpreted it in such a way as to destroy themselves. Avoid the trap of letting events subconsciously control you, and use the power of your consciousness to decide your own interpretation of events for the greatest good of all.

Step Six:

When you reach the point of becoming independent of external events, you’re truly free. This is the state of being detached from external events, knowing that you can exert direct conscious control over your thoughts instead of needing something or someone external to do it for you. Look into the mirror, stripped of clothes, figure enhancing "whatever's," free of make-up, a large wallet, beautiful office, fine car, or any other self validating item we might hide behind, and say to yourself: "As is, I'm here now and I'm good enough for ....." You fill in the blank; it is whatever you have felt has been unreachable or undeserved. Once you are able to look yourself in the eye and believe it, you will understand that in your "As Is" state, you are exactly where you are meant to be. Move forward, free of the old chains that held you back and live the life you were meant to live, a life independent of the good (and usually ignorant) opinion of others. No matter what happens to you, you can still choose to be at peace.









 Reference:
Self Empowerment Guide.com
Life Optimizer.org
Steve Pavilia