March still reminds me of those tragic events years ago, leading up to my husband's death. So, like most other widows, I quietly seek anything that will help how I feel inside. While looking for comfort on his death anniversary, I came across this beautiful poem by Linda Ellis. It helped me to think of his short life in a different way, so I thought I'd share with those who grieve and read this blog. 

I hope you can find joy again while you are living in your Dash. 

The story and process behind the art work: "Humble Angel."

To those who have lost anyone to death, let me preface this publication which shows the stages of my representation of the celestrial with, "I hope that this angelic image comforts you as it did me."

I allow myself to be inspired by dreams that I have. This composition is my attempt to capture a dream that I had about Mike, my husband who died in 2007.

I began in acrylic (because it dries faster), painting a black backdrop; wanting to create an intangible background, the white drip technique was added. It is a portrayal representing the afterlife. A scene of magnificence that the viewer may fill in: Waterfall? ...maybe; lights or white brilliance? ...maybe. It is not concrete, but more abstract in nature.

 Stage Two is just getting my rough draft down on the canvas. I over emphasized the glasses angle to get the dimensions of the side view of the face in perspective first before getting the glasses set.

 With oil paints I begin putting in a base coat, or the low lights for hair. Continuing with oil paints, I begin adding brilliant color.

  This stage shows the work of creating a heavenly or spiritual body by adding loads of paint layers. This painting took about 3 months to paint because of the drying time between layers, as well as it was a very emotional one for me.

 More layers to create the body, and highlights added.

A splatter technique was used to finish the body.

I love this stage because it is the one that captures my attempt to show the nature of the painting: Humility. He is shrugging his shoulders as if to say, "This is me." The wings are folded down to show the opposite of conceit. A creature, so amazing in stature, folding his wings and shrugging his shoulders to send a message of comfort, "I am okay." 'Showing off' or boasting is not in his nature; a confident humility is.

Personification was needed. I wanted to make the face more human-lifelike, because in the dream, I had no doubt who I was looking at. The face was recognizable. Once I had a portrait of the face complete, I needed to make it more heavenly. You can also see that I have begun to highlight the hair too.

 In the last stage, I had to combine the human "flesh colors" to blend well with the pastel colors of the heavenly body. I added pinks and whiter shades to both the face and the body to make the human face blend with the newly given spiritual body.

The end result is: Humble Angel.

Condition Your Emotions; How to Train Yourself in Six Steps:

If you are depressed, have to encounter negative people, or simply do not believe in yourself, give this writing a try.   The only reason that I am posting these six steps is because I think this type of information has the potential to change the lives of those who try to impliment it's reading. ;-)

Step One:

First of all, recognize that there are people and corporations with a strong vested interest in conditioning you to maintain the (false) belief that you need some kind of external validation to feel a certain way. Marketers spend billions of dollars each year to convince you that you need to drink their soda, eat their food, wear their clothing, drive their cars, and shop at their stores to feel happy, cool, fashionable, popular, confident, successful, etc. Who benefits most when you adopt the belief that you need to dress a certain way to feel fashionable or drive a certain car to feel cool?

Step Two:

The second step of life optimization is what is your vision of the purpose of your life? Vision shows us the right direction to go and it gives us a standard to measure our progress by. Just like in business, in order to measure our progress, we must have goals established. With mini goals, or finish lines along the way, we can see how much progress we make toward our life-changing goals. I say in order to be all you can be, you must first take an honest look at what you are allowing to be in your head. What images or negative words do you hear playing? It sounds simple enough, simply begin with believing in yourself and place one foot in front of the other toward the “YOU” you want to be or have envisioned. Throw out any old tapes that play in your head that only bring you down; these self-defeating habits may have come from your childhood. You’re an adult now, take the reins and responsibility for your life; make it a life you want it to be. When you understand that you have the innate ability to consciously direct your thoughts to create any feeling you want, whenever you want, you’re not going to make the people trying to sell you "a bag of goods" rich. But you will be much more free, since you’ll gain the power of conscious control over your own emotional states.

This is a skill that takes practice, but it is a learnable one. For example, in a matter of minutes I can get myself to feel any emotion I want, and for those I’ve already anchored, I can put myself into that state in less than 5 seconds. This is nothing unique — experienced actors can do it too. If an actor can laugh uproariously or cry rivers of tears or shout with intense anger over something completely fake, then you can certainly learn to be 100% confident on que as well (and really experience the genuine emotion).

Step Three:

My favorite emotion is the state of feeling “unstoppable,” which is one I anchored at while doing a Tony Robbins mixed audio set. Anchoring means conditioning a specific emotional state to be linked to a simple trigger, just as Pavlov conditioned his dog to link getting fed with the sound of bell. So if I make a certain movement, I automatically surge into this emotional state within a few seconds. In my old Tae Kwon Do studio, I noticed another student firing off an anchor several times during sparring matches. The tennis player Andre Agassi and the basketball player Byron Scott both used emotional anchoring in their athletic careers, and I’ve read that emotional conditioning has been used by German Olympic teams with outstanding results (the U.S. Olympic teams are generally much further behind in this area). Anchoring is well covered in Tony Robbins Unlimited Power book. Something really cool I now merely imagine myself making the particular motion, it still works. So when I was being introduced as the speaker, I mentally imagined myself firing off my trigger for confidence, and by the time I reached the lectern I was feeling 100% confident. Yes, 100% — no nervousness or self-doubt whatsoever.

Advertisers use anchoring on you all the time. This is why Pepsi will pay someone like Michael Jackson $20 million to be in a 30-second commercial (OK, so that was years ago). They want to condition you to link the emotions you get from hearing a particular song to their product. This emotional conditioning works a lot better than trying to logically argue why you should consume sugar water and chemicals. And it absolutely works … to the tune of billions.

Step Four:

If you had a physiology class, you most likely learned of self-actualization in college. Dr. Wayne Dyer said that when he was learning about self-actualization in college, a professor posed this question: If a totally self-actualizing person unknowingly showed up to a formal event wearing overly casual attire, how would s/he react? The answer: S/he wouldn’t even notice. That’s the state of total emotional mastery, where no external event can knock you into a negative emotional state. A mind like water.
The problem isn’t that external events have control over your emotions. The problem is believing that they do. Abandoning this belief and realizing that you have the innate ability to control how you feel at any given moment, regardless of your circumstances, is the first step to emotional mastery. Events are neutral. What causes you to feel a certain way is how you interpret an event, how you think about it. The same event (even one so serious as the death of someone close to you) will be interpreted differently by different people. You were taught to represent certain events to yourself as tragic, while other people on this planet were taught to celebrate those same events.  For example, some cultures are sad as they walk behind the hurst to the funeral, but they celebrate the life and heavenly home of their loved one as they exit the funeral. They play music, dance and sing with joy for the deceased. The event itself has no meaning but the meaning you assign or label to it, and that act of assigning meaning (whether done consciously or unconsciously) is what causes you to feel a certain way.

Step Five:

Once you understand this, you can begin to take conscious control over these assignments. When stricken with a terminal illness, some people interpret it as terrible and go into a deep depression. Others interpret it as a challenge and find a way to overcome the illness. And still others see it as a wake up call to reevaluate their priorities and make the best possible use of the time they have left, developing deeper bonds with the people around them and living much more fully. To some people it’s an ending, while to others it’s a new beginning. But this doesn’t have to be a subconscious reaction — it can be a conscious choice. Whenever something happens that you would normally say “makes you depressed,” you can choose to find and assign an alternate interpretation that makes you feel empowered instead of disempowered. Instead of failure you can see a learning experience. Instead of a loss, you can focus on deepening your feelings of gratitude for what you do have. Instead of rejection you can see a temporary mismatch and a renewed opportunity to find the perfect fit. Just because TV teaches you to feel a certain way in response to a certain event doesn’t mean you have to blindly accept that interpretation, especially since the TV business benefits when you feel down and thereby tune in to try to change your emotional state.
Between stimilus and response lies the opportunity for conscious choice. You can be fired from your job and turn it into a victory instead of a defeat (Lee Iacoca did). You can go bankrupt and move on to even greater wealth (Donald Trump did). You can be injured to the point of disfiguration and turn it into an advantage to inspire others (W. Mitchell did). You can be dumped by your girlfriend, feel suicidal, and yet still bounce back (Billy Joel did). And on the other hand, you can enjoy outstanding external success and yet abuse yourself to the point of death (John Belushi did).

For any seemingly “negative” event, you can find someone who turned it into an empowering experience. And for any “positive” event, you can find someone who interpreted it in such a way as to destroy themselves. Avoid the trap of letting events subconsciously control you, and use the power of your consciousness to decide your own interpretation of events for the greatest good of all.

Step Six:

When you reach the point of becoming independent of external events, you’re truly free. This is the state of being detached from external events, knowing that you can exert direct conscious control over your thoughts instead of needing something or someone external to do it for you. Look into the mirror, stripped of clothes, figure enhancing "whatever's," free of make-up, a large wallet, beautiful office, fine car, or any other self validating item we might hide behind, and say to yourself: "As is, I'm here now and I'm good enough for ....." You fill in the blank; it is whatever you have felt has been unreachable or undeserved. Once you are able to look yourself in the eye and believe it, you will understand that in your "As Is" state, you are exactly where you are meant to be. Move forward, free of the old chains that held you back and live the life you were meant to live, a life independent of the good (and usually ignorant) opinion of others. No matter what happens to you, you can still choose to be at peace.









 Reference:
Self Empowerment Guide.com
Life Optimizer.org
Steve Pavilia

I Tackled My File Cabinets and Clutter! Out w the Old! Organization of Office, cleaning up a widow's overwhelming paperwork.

This is the finished product of my file organizing. I feel so good now!You see, I am noticing a change in me as I go through all the items in my home. Once becoming a widow, I kept the clouds, or clutter in my home and my head. It is unbearable to part with anything that represented the life you used to have.

Today, and in this new year, I have been clearing out the clouds of clutter and it feels so good! I hope some of my widow-friends, who have had some healing, can begin too.

Posting my progress is like journaling, I will be able to look back and see how far I had to grow and did!

First I started with my more than messy desk! I did the project in stages. I worked on my desk months ago, took a break and organized other places (like my pantry) and then back to this office project. Why did I do this, because paperwork is my least favorite thing to do!
Here is my finished desk. Do you notice how your head feels, even just looking at these two pictures? Just think how it will feel if you did your own desk and took before and after pics as proof of your progress, healing, or simply cleaning your house.

No room for copy machine inside any cabinet, because I had too much stuff! Here is where the copy machine sits now:                              It is inside a cabinet, out of sight. ;-)

The underside of my desk.

As for the cords, I used either velcro, or yarn to contain their mess.I love organizers, here is one I used for my desk drawer. It makes the tiny things turn from junk drawer to neat and tidy!

Beside my desk I had a small problem area. the space was a sharp triangle space. I love to utilize every space efficently in my home, and my desk is very short on storage space! So, I purchanced these wooden shelves meant for adding storage space to kitchen cabinets. They can be turned to whichever way I want because they are actually three separate shelving units.

Isn't this now a cute corner, verses the madness of overflow?

I pulled the shelf out a bit, so you can see how they can move. ;-)

Now looking down from my desk became a whole lot better!

This is the before pics of my filing cabinet situation:Files papers and more files! Some in cabinets, some in plastic tubs; now you get the picture.

Even in tubs.

And the overflow; not such a cute corner, hugh? 

Okay, so once the desk was done, it was onto phase two: my file cabinets. When I say file cabinets, I mean literally 10 of them in total!

Okay, where did all that paper go?Here: 

  

 Again, where did all that paper go? And in here...I use baskets as my filing system. After throwing away unneeded papers, I now have enough space to house all the needed papers!

I put little labels on the outside of each filing basket.

Note the black IN BOX as a basket too.

My widow friends can relate to all the death, medical bills, name changing, and etc paperwork that I had. It is simply a task that takes some healing before one can sort through the very papers that cause so many bad (the death) and good (your previous life with the loved one) memories.

Now, I have to say, seeing some of my filing boxes like this, just made me feel like the fog had cleared!

First all your files need to be made and labeled. Simply tackle the mountain of paper that may be on your dinning table and stick each paper into a vanilla folder and label it. My father-n-law started this baby-step for me right after I lost my husband. He took all that imediate death paperwork and put them into folders. I recommend asking someone you trust to help you with this if you are new to being widowed.All the mountain of papers that could be seen in tubs, and etc are now in folders. I added them to the ones my Dad Kramer did for me. Okay, now to take those boring folders and get label crazy! Lol, I think I shared in a previous post, I love to label everything. It maybe overkill, but I like to not only label each folder, but the hanging file as well. Since each hanging one has several folding ones in it, I like to put a general title. I find good labeling prevents any waisted time looking for important papers. I can now do it in a quick few seconds!

Now, the fun part. I wanted to label the outside of the filing baskets in something adorable. I thought of little chalkboards, with chalk writting; which would be darling, if you can find them. I had some in the past that I used as name plates for dinner guests.

I simply wrote on black cardstock (found in any craft store) that I had previously purchased for other projects.

I cut a square about 2 inches by 2 inches and wrote with a silver marker. A hole-punch and thin white ribbon was all that was needed to finish it!

Inside the filing basket, labeled Investments, you can see the folders labeled, the hanging files labeled and of course, the outside of the basket says Investments.

This little cabinet houses my manuscripts, some art supplies and it is a spot for my IN BOX.

Manuscript label up close:

With an In Box, your incoming ToDo tasks are together, awaiting your attention and they are right were you can see them. I keep this separate from my incoming mail because not all the mail will have a task associated with it. Much of ours will go straight into the rubish bin. ;-)

I simply put a black basket in a table.

The table was made out of an antique sewing basket. It is so easy to just throw the mail in the black basket and shut the lid until it is time to read our mail.

IN BOX label close up:

An In Box, Out Box (my outbox is the triple stacker on my desk), and To File box will keep your office clean. If I cannot file a form that comes in the mail right then, I just drop it in the To File box until I have time.

My OutBox can be seen here; it is a triple metal holder than holds my Giclee proofs, and any outgoing mail or projects:

Okay, now that my space is clean, organized and all the cloudy-clutter is bye-bye, the way I feel about this process is: as if I just did yoga. Inhale, Exhale... ;-D

 Give a little clean up a shot, you will be glad you did. ;-D

I sure am feeling better. ;-)