Five Tips to Deal w Emotional Leeches: Psychology

An emotional leech:  The biggest source of energy drain in people is their relationships. Emotional leeches are people who can drain your energy and suck you dry.

They are people who make your mood take a nose-dive, who you feel sick or tired around.

Basically, it’s a person who changes your mood for the worse just by being around.

What are the five types of leeches: 

disclaimer: picture from happiness reflector.

Narcissistic, Victim, Controller, Constant talker, and Drama Queen –- the victim is the most common. That is the friend that you have who complains about everything, nothing is her fault, but she never seems to do anything about how miserable she is. 

She is exhausting, so you start to avoid her phone calls after a while. You feel you can say nothing about it, because you’re afraid of being seen as impolite.  A lot of people don’t speak up for themselves because they are afraid of offending someone.

Here are five strategies of how to lovingly and with

 sensitivity deal with people like this:

Tip number one:

You have to notice how your energy is when you’re around the person. If you’re on a date and everything seems to be going great, but you notice that you’re exhausted, there is a problem.

Tip number two:

 Know yourself and think of your top five buttons. The top five things that set you off: Things like guilt trips, petty criticisms and anger. Everyone has buttons, emotional leeches happen to be able to see these buttons more than other people, and they will push them. Once you know what sets you off, it can help you take the emotionality out of dealing with them. That is key; it may take a while for you to be calm enough to respond, but at least you will know when to go and calm yourself.

 Tip number three:

 Your tone of voice is critical when talking to an emotional leech. You have to talk in a very matter-of-fact or compassionate manner, rather than trying to deal with them the way they are talking to you. You don’t want to turn them off, because you have a goal: you want to change their

behavior. You have to stick to that goal. If you take the

bait and get emotional, then nothing will change.

Tip number four:

 Use the technique of limiting the setting, calmly tell the person who criticizes you that they hurt your feelings and you would appreciate it if they did not do it again. Get in and get out quickly, with a smile. You do not want a dialogue. For a boss who is narcissistic, frame the things you want in terms of what they are going to get out of it.

Tip number five:

Use the tool of body language, along with the matter of fact tone and satisfy the self-interest question of “what is in it for me.” For a drama queen coworker, do not ask how she is
doing. Use not interested body language. Turning away from them, crossing your arms, and calmly explain that you have work to do. It takes practice, but it’s definitely worth it.   If you want a raise or a vacation, word it in a way that shows a benefit to the company, like, “Rather than work in an exhausted state and potentially make a mistake, it will benefit the company if I take time off, so that I can return with a fully charged battery”. That will get them to see their own self-interest in your request, rather than, “I’m exhausted and I need more money and time off.” 

How to make Oxtail Stew in a Slow-Cooker: Recipe

A comfort food that is great in the cold months is Oxtail Stew. This is a dinner that screams comfort like a toasty favorite cozy coat or a warm fire.

The little ox tails may look funny, but the meat is so tender and yummy. Cooking with crockpots and with meats like this is so forgiving. The choices of ingredients are basically whatever you have in your refrigerator. Some people use beans; I have seen eggplant, and potatoes. I usually do not use these, but your options are not limited. Also, if you do not have enough oxtails to cook an entire meal, you can add a mixture of meat like a pot-roast cut into pieces to this recipe.

 So what are these funny little guys, and how do you cook them?  

Ingredients:

• Beef oxtail  
• White flour
• Salt
• Freshly ground Black pepper
• Butter or olive oil
• Favorite vegetables like: (sliced carrots, celery, cabbage, onions, leeks, green beans, tomatoes, bok choy, mushrooms, parsnips, turnips or you can use frozen bags of a mixture of vegetables.)
• Red wine
• Chicken or Vegetable stock (canned or in a resealable container by the soups).
• Savory herbs (like 3  smashed garlic cloves, 2 bay leaves, thyme, sage)

Directions:

1.    Sprinkle white flour on both sides of the oxtail. Shake off excess. Sprinkle a pinch of salt and a pinch of ground black pepper on each side of the oxtail. Set aside.

2.    Melt 1 Tbsp. butter for each oxtail in the frying pan. Place oxtails in frying pan. Brown on one side. Turn oxtails over with tongs and brown on the other side. Remove pan from heat.

3.    Place browned oxtails in a single layer on the bottom of the crock pot or a heavy baking pan.

4.    Add 1/2 cup per oxtail of your favorite vegetables. Do not stir.

5.    Add 1/2 tsp. of fresh herbs per oxtail of your favorite savory herbs (I use 1/2 tsp of thyme, 1/2 tsp of sage of fresh herbs from my garden. (If using dry herbs which are more potent, then cut the amount by one third: One teaspoon to One Tablespoon bc there are 3 Tsp in one Tbl); to the whole pot: a total of 3 garlic cloves, and 2 bayleaves--remove bayleaves before eating). Pour 1/2 cup per oxtail of red wine over the ingredients (about 2 C’s for 3 lbs. of oxtails). Add enough chicken or vegetable stock to barely cover the oxtails and vegetables (about 2 C’s for 3 lbs.).

Crock Pot Slow-Cooker Method

6.    Place lid on cooker. Turn on "Low" for 8 hours.

7.    Turn off cooker. Allow to sit for 1/2 hour. Separate the liquid from the solids and use a fat separator to remove the fat, or chill the cooking liquid for several hours so that the fat solidifies, making it easy to remove. If you are making ahead, at this point you can just put the stew in the refrigerator (let come to room temperature first), with the oxtails still in it, and let it chill overnight. The next day, scrape off the fat, reheat and then remove the meat from the dish.

8.    I pour the remaining liquid and vegetables through a strainer. This liquid is great stock! I prefer to throw away these overcooked tasteless vegetables away (however some cooks skip this next part of cooking new vegetables and keep these). I sauté’ all the desired new vegetables in the pan the meat was browned in. The juice and oil from the meat is very tasty. Once the onions are translucent (a few min’s), I add enough of the reserved stock to cover the vegetables, cover w lid until carrots, or turnips can be pierced w a fork). Add vegetables to the meat. You can pour the remaining stock in w the dish, or serve in a gravy boat, so your family can add as much broth as they like.

9.    If any of your vegetables of choice are leafy greens like: kale, collard greens, mustard greens, turnip greens, spinach or broccoli, you want them to be bright green, so throw in right before serving to not overcook them.

10. Remove from crock pot slow-cooker and serve with corn bread.

*Note a short cut to a fast meal in a bind: throw all your ingredients in a crockpot, meat on bottom, put on lid, turn on low, leave for the day and come home to a meal. This is not as delishious as the above, but it is a quick fix. ;o)

Chicken Broccoli Cobbler & How to get Kid's to eat VeGGies: Recipe, Vegetables, Kid Friendly Meal.

Chicken Broccoli Cobbler &

How to get Kid's to: eat VeGGies?

I was making this recipe for football game day, & a friend wanted the recipe. So, here it is. It is a fun way to get kids who, would rather eat chips than vegetables, to consume some green stuff.

I garden and grow a good amount of broccoli. The question of what do we do with all of this broccoli occured to us last summer. So, this recipe was formed to answer that question.

Another question was how do we make vegetables more fun for kids?

Colored broccoli "trees" is a fun answer. Use a variety of these colors to make a dinner fun.;-)

Chicken Broccoli Cobbler

Prep: 15 min, cook 30 mins, makes 4 servings or about 7 individual pies.

Ingredients:

¼ C melted butter

3 C’s (6 ½ oz.) cubed sourdough bread

½ C shredded Parmesan Cheese

3 C’s sm broccoli florets

3 C’s chopped cooked chicken

½ C drained chopped roasted bell pepper (or roast your own in a 450 degree oven until charred, rub skin off)

1 (10 0z’s ) of Alfredo sauce (I make ahead & refrig: Add to ¼ C melted butter—1C heavy cream, 1 clove crushed, minced fresh garlic, 1 C freshly grated Parmesan cheese, & ½ C freshly grated gruyere cheese, --whisk quickly, heating through. Stir in a sprinkling of freshly grated nutmeg on a microplane grater (small grater) & ¼C fresh chopped parsley) Or you can purchase pre-made at the grocery store.

½ C sour cream

2 Tbsp. dry sherry

Directions:

1.       Preheat 400 degrees. Drizzle butter over bread cubes in a large bowl; sprinkle w cheese, and toss well.

2.       Combine broccoli & next 5 ingredients in a large bowl. Spoon filling into a lightly greased 2 qt rectangular or oval baking dish, or (what I do) individual baking dishes--(it is more fun this way!); top w bread cubes.

3.       Bake, uncovered, at 400 degrees for 30 mins (20-25 min’s for individual cobblers) or until bubbly & top is toasted.

HoMe ReMeDies’ to treat WiNtEr HaiR: homemaker

HoMe ReMeDies’  to treat WiNtEr HaiR

I had my hair done at a new place, and asked for the summer blonde to be taken out. The result is a color I do not care for and hair in need of a good conditioning; so I have been researching in the hair care "on the cheap." My budget and husband are thanking me. Give these a try, they are all fabulous!

Why does the winter seem to dry out our hair?

The winter brings dry hair with its presence. Dry heat pumped into our homes equals’ dry hair. Hair hydrating conditioner treatments can become costly. Try these homemade conditioners straight out of you kitchen cabinets!

The HoNey HuMectanT:

Honey and molasses are both natural humectants, meaning they attract and hold on to moisture. They are also excellent ingredients to use in creating your own conditioning hair pack to help combat dry winter hair. (Yield: 4.5 ounces)

Ingredients:

1/2 cup honey or molasses

1 tablespoon almond oil

4 drops of essential oil of lavender

Directions:

Stir the honey and oil together until well mixed. Then apply the entire mixture to clean, damp hair and massage into your strands and scalp. Put on a shower cap or cover your hair with plastic wrap and leave the treatment on for 20 minutes. Shampoo and condition as usual.

Luster YOGURT isn’t Just for Eating:   

This is a great conditioning hair mask for repairing dry, damaged hair especially during the winter months. It will help revive lackluster hair, from your scalp to the ends of your hair. (Yield: 5 ounces)

Ingredients:

1/2 cup plain yogurt

2 tablespoon light olive oil

2 to 4 drops essential oil of peppermint

1 to 2 drops essential oil of rosemary

Directions:

Put all the ingredients in a blender and mix until you have a smooth paste. Apply the mixture to clean, damp hair and massage into your hair and scalp. Put on a shower cap or wrap your hair in an old towel and leave the mixture on for 15 minutes, then rinse well with warm water and style as usual.

AvOcAdos Anyone?

Avocados are rich in oil, protein, B vitamins and vitamin A, and they are super-hydrating to dry, damaged hair. They contain more protein than any other fruit, and their abundant natural oil will coat your hair and form a protective barrier, keeping your locks well hydrated, soft and flexible. (Yield: 2 ounces)

Ingredients:

1 ripe avocado, mashed

2 tablespoons sour cream

Juice of 1/2 lemon

2 drops of essential oil of lemon

Directions:

Stir all of the ingredients together until you have a smooth paste, using a fork or blender. Apply the entire mixture to your head and massage it into your hair and scalp. Wrap hair in a warm towel or put on a shower cap and leave the treatment on for 20 minutes. Rinse well with warm water, then shampoo as usual. 

The UltiMaTe RoYaL TreAtMenT:Use this conditioner once a week during the winter to keep your hair soft, radiant and flexible. It contains three natural oils that are effective in treating dry hair and easily found at your local grocery or natural food store. (Yield: 2 ounces) 

Ingredients:

1 teaspoon almond oil

1 teaspoon avocado oil

1 teaspoon olive oil

1 egg yolk

1 tablespoon honey

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

2 drops of essential oil of lemon

                                  
Directions:

Mix all the ingredients together and stir thoroughly. Massage into your hair and scalp. Wrap your hair in plastic wrap or use a shower cap and leave the conditioner on for 15 minutes. Shampoo your hair as usual and rinse well.

EggS Ain’t Just for Breakfast!

Using fresh eggs to nourish and condition your hair is a classic beauty treatment -- you may remember your grandmother doing this, it is a classic! The protein and lecithin contained in eggs keep your hair soft and smooth. (Yield: 3 ounces)

Ingredients:

1/4 cup water

1 egg

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 drops of essential oil of lemon

Directions:

Mix together all of the ingredients and stir well. Shampoo your hair as usual and massage the conditioner into your hair. Leave on for 1 to 2 minutes. Rinse thoroughly with warm water -- but not too hot or you could end up with bits of cooked egg in your hair! Follow with a cool rinse and style as usual.

Give these remedies a try and see if it adds some luster to your hair. Your budget is better used on a new pair of shoes anyway. ;-D

How I Feed and EnJoY NaTuRe: Outdoor Fun, Animals, Coy/Koi fish & pond, bird watching, deer, racoons, squirrels, woodpecker.

I enjoy numerous animals; here are pictures of the birds, coy/Koi fish, squirrels, deer and racoons that visit our yard. *Note: click on picture to make it larger, if it is to hard to see.

Birds in the Winter appreciate a buffet

I put a Varity of food out to attract a range of birds. This time of year, there are fewer to be viewed. Welcome to Birdville... Birds:

It is very hard to capture a woodpecker. We get a variety of them. As you can see this one knows I am there, trying to get his picture. So he stays just above where I want him to go. Red Headed Woodpecker (He is sitting just above the corn and wooden perching spot):

More of the Elusive Red Headed Woodpecker: 

Here he is again, on the corn: 

Here is a close up of a Titmouse:

And here is a close up of some Yellow Finches:

You can see five birds in this last picture of my birdville (might as well play "I Spy" with this one):

Koi/Coy Fish:

I enjoy my Koi/Coy Pond tremendously! While sitting on a rock taking the pictures of the birds, I could hear the babbling water behind me. It is so calming. In the winter the fish slow down, eat less and move slower. The ice has melted, so you can see several of them.  Since Coy means artfully shy and quietly sootheing, I affectionately call them my Coy Koi; Coy for short. The name suits them. ;0)

You can see the plants around and in the pond are dormant for the winter. Most have been pruned and their roots are alive and well; just waiting for the spring!

Squirrels (and the Woodpecker again):

While taking this picture, behind the pond, our friendly neighborhood "Fat" squirrel caught my eye:

Can you see him?

There he is, "gee, I wonder why he is so fat?"

I put out peanuts yesterday; as you can see, he likes them best because they are all gone. He is just like my kids, vegetables get eaten last.

Here he is on his perch, that is where he consumes his nuts:

Now he is sitting and eatting his corn:

Taking these from my deck:

Now two squirrels:

 

I was very excited about getting these pictures of the Red Headed Woodpecker with the Squirrels. It looks like he is waiting for the squirrels move away from the corn (He is perched in the upper lefthand corner of the picture):

And he is still waiting:

Here are two squirrels with the Red Headed Woodpecker (Woodpecker still in the upper left tree):

 Woodpecker in upper lefthand corner, Squirrel lower right:

I love these next shots, the Woodpecker is trying to sneak in:

It is like he is saying, "If I could just get a little closer, I can have some corn."

Nature and it's critters give me so much pleasure; I find it a value to my day, so the expense of their food is like buying myself a smile. ;-)

Deer:

Now, our neighborhood deer that is another story. I love to watch their pastoral presence; however, my yard is not their smorgasbord! It is hard to grow fruit trees and anything edible with their regular visits. Still how can Bambi not affect us with a sigh when we see one? I have stood at my window watching 5 deer eat my garden, and didn't move because I was enjoying watching them so much! A fence maybe in our future. We will see...

Around here, they are not too shy: Whenever I catch them in my front garden, this is what they do; they stand across the street and look at me.  I go out and will stand in my garden with hands on my hips; they walk to the edge of the woods (just a street between us) and look at me like, "Well, aren't you gonna leave, so we can finish eating?"

How would you like to come home to this in your front lawn? We counted about 20 standing in a small area where we had planted new grass seed, they liked the young grass. Four of my crepe myrtle trees, that I had pruned --well, that I had my husband prune, into a desired shape had broken branches.

I'm not really complaining, who would not like to see sights like this?

Racoons:

Then there are the racoons that are really uninvited also. They find a way to unscrew my birdfeeders take them down and help themselves. They like it whenever I forget and leave bird seed on the deck. They also are able to open my compost bin and eat whatever fruit scraps they like:

So, we have many "pets" and creatures to enjoy. In the summer we can include caterpillars and butterflies, frogs and turtle visits to our pond. Snapping turtles we relocate because one ate my koi fish, named Lemon Drop, he was painted with yellow like a painted pony. Now we have a Lemon Drop Jr.    

Nature... I love her!