Dear friends who have experienced loss:
by Lisa on August 4, 2010 as a sympathic letter to those who were not only widows and widowers, but they were also hard on themselves because society was telling them that they should be better. Several heard the statements, "Move on."
Evaluating what we lost in losing a mate, you see when the loss of a spouse occurs one doesn’t just lose a husband or wife. We must give ourselves a break with however long it takes us to heal. It is the loss of the roles that person played in your life, as well as your life the way you knew it.
In my case, I lost many people, my husband, very best friend, companion, life partner, lover, father to my children, parent to me, teacher, manager, navigator, planner, bill payer, house cleaner, car tag renewer, financial planner, admirer, the giver of unconditional love, my biggest supporter, and validator.
The identity takes a hit too, no longer are you a: couple, co- parent, married, taken care of, befriended, loved, unlonely, encouraged, comforted, or cultivated. Replacing those self-identities is abandonment, desolation, an outcast, detached, forlorn, forsaken, hermit, isolated, lonesome, single, unaccompanied, unaided, unattached, unattended, unescorted, unsocial, withdrawn, cast off, companionless, dejected, gloomy, miserable, depressive, sorrowful, wearisome, despondent, alienated, cut off, without ties, black, cheerless, comfortless, dark, discouraging, disheartening, dismal, drear, dreary, funereal, grim, hard, harsh, hopeless, joyless, lonely, melancholy, mournful, oppressive, sad, and somber. You are no longer a social butterfly, you are now in your ugly cocoon.
I am writing this because some of you have expressed disappointment with your healing progress or ability to “get on with it”. Relax, you have a lot to get past; a lot of your "known world" just ended. Did I leave anything out? If you’re feeling something else, feel free to add more. Our experiences are similar, but we heal as individuals. I hope peace, love, and some joy will enter the life of those who can relate to this reading.